@Adar79Angie: If your Dad leaves, just act like you're installing a new screen door. All the Dads of the neighborhood will gather round. Pick your new Dad
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@daemonic3: Mom: Did we pack everything? The stupid baby monitor? Dad: Ugh I hate that annoying dumb thing! Tiny Monitor Lizard: Ok wow I'm right here
@seandunn76: "Oh boy, what a day of having sex with real women," I yell too loud while passing my microwave.
@thefosterer: If I ever lose my girlfriend in the mall I just start checking other girls out and bam there she is yelling at me
@LostFelicia: Someone's overfeeding that damn cat. I mean.. there's something like Stonehenge in her litter box.