@2tickytacky: If your date asks what you do for a living, just say "You let me worry about that."
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@internetluke: Man down! Send in back up! *wife comes rushing in the room* "What happened?!" *i dip another chip in the salsa to rescue the broken chip*
@AndyAsAdjective: Just said "No you can't have an apple because you'll spoil the pizza that's being delivered very soon." I shouldn't be allowed to parent.
@eric10F: "will you be paying with cash or credit?" "Cash" *start playing "ring of fire" on my kazoo *gets tackled by security*
@GrumpyBahr: CW: My wedding is going to be expensive! Me: Wait till you see what the divorce is going to cost you!