@2tickytacky: If your date asks what you do for a living, just say "You let me worry about that."
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@nealbrennan: When people are trending on twitter, I know that they died or said something racist.
@stockejock: Happy birthday to rapper Pitbull who is 34 today, or 238 in dog years for all the other Pitbulls.
@3sunzzz: Many years ago I took a Cosmo quiz to discover the best names for my future kids. Seamen and Boomquifa have yet to appreciate my efforts.
@caperbc75: *nervously adjusts fedora in Starbucks lineup I'll have uh, um, a mediu- I mean vanti, uh, mochacachito? Patrons: HE'S A FRAUD! GET HIM!!!