@Satan_____: If your drug dealer is on time, it's a cop.
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@Phook75: The best time to leave the country is when a demonic voice screams your name from inside a locked basement
@squirrel74wkgn: My wife looks like the cats in those cucumber videos when she turns around & sees me naked.
@FullGrownChris: "Where are you all going?" A lifeboat. The Titanic is sinking. "You guys are booked til 2. Trust me, this'll be great exposure for your band
@CeCePleasants: Taco Bell is no longer going to be offering kids meals. Probably because kids are rarely drunk enough to want Taco Bell.