@Satan_____: If your drug dealer is on time, it's a cop.
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@jbillinson: "Yes Mr. Trump, I took Joe's pocket knife away and we'll get you some new tires for that limo right away, but I can't make him say sorry"
@ibid78: Do I have friends? Are we allowed to count the enemies of my enemies? Then yes, I have a bunch of friends.
@SadieSkyNinja: [if my cat tweeted] When "over 38" is sad and missing her boyfriend, I try and cheer her up by peeing on her shoes and puking on her phone.