@lawyerthoughts: If your entire outfit can be purchased at a gas station it's not appropriate for court.
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@SamGrittner: Whenever someone's robbing my house, I pretend I'm robbing it too then I make off with as much of my stuff as possible.
@JohnFugelsang: I can't wait for the next Oscars dead-person montage when all the celebs Joan Rivers insulted have to applaud her.
@CubanaMama82: The worst thing about dating is bringing a nice guy home after dinner, only to find your husband home early from work.
@GrowlyGrego: [spelling bee] Your word is "spider" Can you use it in a sentence? "A spider has eight eyes." [kid smiles] Spider. S-P-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-D-E-R