@jayonguitar: If your girlfriend offers to make you breakfast at 2 AM. She's probably not your girlfriend and your just drunk at Denny's again.
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@AndyShulk: When I see a flash mob in public I immediately join in to make it seem like they didn't practice enough.
@TheCatWhisprer: Just got kicked out of Chipotle for knowing what I wanted when I got to the front of the line.
@karlainvt: Zombies and I have a lot in common; we both walk around aimlessly looking for something to eat.
@BigRadMachine: Y'all are gonna lose your minds when Donald Trump eats a Snickers and turns into Bernie Sanders.