@carlyken: If your kid complains about how bored they are during winter break put a cape on them and say, "Now you're super bored!" and then fly away.
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@Easy_Tiger__: I'm playing dead at work right now so nobody will talk to me. Everyone is screaming. Probably should have used less fake blood.
@DannyZuker: My kids are always accusing me of having a "favorite child" which is ridiculous because I don't really like any of them.
@weinerdog4life: If you say "NO YOURE UNDER ARREST" the cop legally has to get in the back of your car.
@ericsshadow: 20's: I can't remember where I left my keys 30's: I can't remember where I left my car 40's: I can't remember where I left my kids