@WheelTod: If your kid is having nightmares & keeps getting in bed with you in the night, a great solution is to go to sleep in full clown makeup.
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@BlindChow: [hospital] Looks like ur Vine went viral. "Yay!" Sorry ur VEIN went viral…you have a fatal blood disease. "So wait–my Vine didn't go viral?"
@RandomAntics: I'd get my mind out of the gutter, but I think it's wrong to remove an animal from its natural habitat.
@thevickster_sa: ~At a snowboarding store. Him: you need a base grind and a wax, it's been a while. Me: i know Him:... Me: Wait, what, oh the board...