@SarahFemme: If your mom still washes your underwear, you're not allowed to have an opinion about anything.
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@Mr_Kapowski: [calls wife from store] "Are you in more of a frolicking or jumping in the air mood? There's so many tampon choices"
@dshack8: Parents w/ 1st Baby: "Aww he's starting to walk! C'mon buddy, u can do it!" Parents w/ Baby #4: "SHIT, HE'S STANDING! QUICK, SWEEP THE LEG!"
@Social_Mime: I'd give my wife my coat if she's cold but I'll take it back if I become cold and maybe she'll be prepared next time we go out.
@AngelaEhh: Why are people giving something up for lint? I'm sweeping that shit up every day if you want some more.