@ImaFlyontheWall: If your nervous tick is pointing to the sky then might i suggest not going to auctions anymore.
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@nbadag: [me giving tour of city landmarks] and on your left you'll see a corgi in a bandana—he's not part of the tour but let's go get a closer look
@Sean_Burgundy_: Friend: All I want for Christmas is a new blender Me: Wouldn't you rather have your life together?
@OBiiieeee: *my wife catches me in bed looking at an optical illusions book* HONEY, NO IT'S NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE