@PaperWash: If your online dating profile says "I don't have sex on the first date" then that's why you're on a dating website.
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@AaronFullerton: If you zoom out during the opening credits of "Friends," you'll see that the security guard who protects that fountain is DEAD.
@kristensauce: Things Red Bull has given me: 1) jitters 2) diarrhea 3) a heart attack Things Red Bull has not given me: 1) wings
@Brampersandon_: FLIGHT ATTENDANT: sir calm down ME (having panic attack): sorry I've never flown before PILOT (over intercom): dont worry neither have I lol