@thespacewad: If your parents say, "You can be whatever you want to be when you grow up", remind them that they'll have to die for you to be Batman.
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@nikkithecanuck: I must admit, my "Kiss Me, I Have The Zika Virus" T-shirt is giving me a lot of personal space inside this subway car.
@Jacob_Swift16: A cop just told me that i have way too many buddha statues for there to not be drugs in the house
@Poutymcgee: "You go girl!! Your dance moves are on point! Why not get up on stage for some karaoke too! You're an amazing singer!" - Vodka
@MatCro: [bar] CUSTOMER: Barman BARMAN: Sir? C: This beer tastes like piss [further down the bar] BEAR GRYLLS: I'll have what he's having