@thespacewad: If your parents say, "You can be whatever you want to be when you grow up", remind them that they'll have to die for you to be Batman.
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@CrystalTheRed: Laundry Day Me: Tell me about this lipstick on your shirt. Him: Babe, I can explain! Me: Don't care. Just ask her the brand and shade name.
@electrolemon: aruba, jamaica / oooh, i wanna take ya atlanta, las vegas/ uhhh that's lots of places vienna, then florence/ baaabe i can't afford this
@GringoBrulee: Wife: wtf is this pile of clothes doing on the floor? Me: I struck down a Jedi. W: god I hate you. M: yes, use your hate