@ericacanrant: If your partner makes you sleep closest to the door, you are either the protector or bait for the zombies.
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@YesThatAmy: If I did the math right, 8 of you are serial killers and 1,246 of you are eating Nutella.
@DepecheALAmode: Writing about 2 dinosaurs who hate crime. They make motorcycles & badges from the meteorite that killed their dino buds. Called TriceraCOPS!
@Reverend_Scott: [at Applebees on Christmas] God: Your food good? Jesus: Ya, it- *a crowd of servers surrounds them* Jesus: You didn't... HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO Y
@LackOfShame: [movie theater] Her: *Hands me popcorn bag* Can you put this down? Me: *grabs bag* You stupid, overpriced, salty piece of shit!