@craiguito: If your partner says "if anything happens to me, I want you to meet someone new," "anything" doesn't include getting stuck in a traffic jam
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@envydatropic: My New Year's resolution was to lose weight. Was going good until I woke up this morning.
@stuckinaportal: *leans over sink* *splashes face w cold water* *stares at self in mirror* *returns to couch where my niece is playing mario kart* best of 3
@XplodingUnicorn: Me: You're supposed to be taking a nap 4-year-old: I am Me: Then why are you standing here? 4-year-old: Me: 4-year-old: This is a dream