@craiguito: If your partner says "if anything happens to me, I want you to meet someone new," "anything" doesn't include getting stuck in a traffic jam
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@FinallyHeSleeps: Nothing freaks out people like unblinking eye contact in a public restroom. Especially when you do it from underneath the stall divider.
@mommy_cusses: Sorry, can't. I looked away while my child was in the middle of an hour long run-on story and now he has to start all over.
@JennyJohnsonHi5: My stepson and his friend are driving around in my car. If he wrecks it, I have insurance. If he plays Nickelback in it, I'll murder him.
@pharmasean: Good thing most planes have TVs. Nothings worse than having to look out the window at Earths sacred majesty from the point of view of angels