@HiddleDeeDee: If your pharmacist was as hot as mine, you'd be in line for your fifteenth flu shot as well.
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@HatfieldAnne: The lawn guy asks to use my bathroom. A flicker of doubt. Is it safe to have a stranger in my house? Do I put out the fancy soap?
@ComedicBust: [About to have sex] Me: I want you so bad. Her: Take me. Me: [rips off panties] Her: WHY THE HELL ARE YOU WEARING PANTIES
@TheMichaelRock: Why did you have to take a half naked picture in front of a full length mirror to show off your new haircut?
@AntiJokeTyrone: A baby's laughter is one of the most beautiful sounds you will ever hear. Unless it's 3am. And you're home alone. And you don't have a baby