@shariv67: If your phone rings during a movie, answer it "Yes, Mr. President. Right away, sir!" And then run head first through the screen.
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@PuckingItUp: Nothing says "I'm a shitty parent but at least I'm rich" like giving your 2 year old an iPad.
@Donna_McCoy: I'll dance with everyone watching. I don't like an audience, but I want someone around to call an ambulance when I fall.
@GrantTanaka: Waitress: Can I take this out of the way for you? Me: [glances at wife] uh…sure Wife: SHE MEANS THE PLATE, IDIOT
@Shock_Monster: I am a master ninja with my ability to hide silently when someone rings my doorbell.