@shariv67: If your phone rings during a movie, answer it "Yes, Mr. President. Right away, sir!" And then run head first through the screen.
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@Vice_Queen: I'm at a second grade music recital and this is by far the most effective form of birth control I've ever tried.
@MUMSIEesq: 3YO: MOMMY HELP HELP! ME *throws cat off lap, drops phone, spills coffee on self, runs up stairs, kicks open door* 3YO: I want a snack.
@amydillon: [son comes home with big lump on his forehead] ME: Oh no, what happened? 7: I fell down on the playground. ME: How did you fall? 7: Forward.
@Julie_Cooker: Shout out to all the married couples who are filled with passion. Those 2 couples should hang out together some time.