@shariv67: If your phone rings during a movie, answer it "Yes, Mr. President. Right away, sir!" And then run head first through the screen.
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@XplodingUnicorn: Me: You ate all the cookies and your sister got none. What does that tell you? 4-year-old: I won.
@B_poling82: Hello, welcome to the evening news, where we're going to scare the shit out of you for 45 minutes, then weather & sports. Stay tuned.
@GrantTanaka: this idiot cop is still behind me w/ his siren on, I keep moving out of the way & waving & yelling "GO AROUND," man is he stupid
@truegritrumble: HER: Impress me. ME: I own a record label- HER: Ooooooo ME: er. A record labelER. It makes labels for my Abba vinyls.