@ilovepie84: If your Prius was a transformer his name would be Fagatron
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@dhumann: Flight Attendant: "Here is the extra blanket you asked for." Me: "Thanks. Could you jam it into that guy's mouth?"
@mrjohntofu: What the world needs is a self help movie, cause lets face it, most of us won't buy the book.
@meganamram: I never give homeless people drugs because I know they're just going to trade them for food
@notbedelia: 911: what's your emergency? M: I'm out of ketchup. 911: miss I don't think u get how 911 works. M: I DONT THINK U GET HOW HOT DOGS WORK