@therepoguy: If your wife says "take out the trash" do not reply with "you cooked it you take it out."
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@OhNoSheTwitnt: Only uneducated idiots are against vaccines, right? We can find comfort in that, right? Wait what? Oh fuck.
@dubstep4dads: i like how at this walmart they put baby food products in the checkout lane. like oops thats right i have a baby to feed
@SCbchbum: “Son, would you like to go to college some day, or would you like to keep ordering guac? Your choice.”