@DarzieDAMN: If you're a girl on twitter and you have no pictures of yourself, I'm automatically assuming you're a cat that learned to use a computer.
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@Thynebear: [Talking w/Doc] The wife wants to try period sex "Seems unsanitary to me" I dont think u understand- *wife bursts in wearing medieval armor*
@PetrickSara: Someone said that my kid would probably grow up to be president, and I'm not sure if it was meant as a compliment or an insult.
@Coolisiana: (Ad for a baby) • gently used • can't even kill you • doesn't shed • poops on a learning curve • goes from 0-60 in roughly 60 years
@tuckerflodman: To Do List While in Jail 1. Ask someone for an Eskimo kiss and when they shake their head no say,"Hey why'd you start without me?" 2. 3.