@Wuttercuerk: If you're a Mormon, and you have a mom, and you haven't been referring to her exclusively as Mitt Momney...then why the hell are you Mormon?
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@JaySuch: My son wanted to go to Disney, but I told him little boys who ruin marriages don't go to Disney.
@maughammom: Me: "Want a banana?" 3yo: "Yes, but don't cut it up. And don't peel it. And don't make it be a banana. Make it be a waffle."
@theshamingofjay: The human soul weighs 1.2lbs. I know because I've weighed myself before and after I walk into my job