@MoistPork: If you're a vegan and an atheist and a runner, how do you choose which way to annoy people in a conversation first?
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@KatWar1: [Enters Building] "Excuse..." *Voice fades* "... anyone..." "... how to..." "... out this..." "... ving door?"
@BonaFideIntent: Me: LARGE FRY! McDonald's Manager: Ma'am, you can't use the drive-thru riding a stick pony. Please leave NOW Me: I WILL CUT YOU! *sirens*
@justabloodygame: *stops lecturing woman in white lab-coat and turns to camera* "When my doctor first told me I was a 'mansplainer', I had a lot of answers."
@MichaelTrying: It's the anniversary of Tetris. We should have a block party.
@joshgondelman: Whenever I watch a home invasion thriller, I'm mostly terrified by how I'll never be able to afford to own a home.
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