@KenJennings: If you're a vegan who ran a marathon & got your dogs from a shelter, how do you decide which thing to wedge into the conversation first?
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@vanluvz1: I'm at my most nurturing when I'm plotting a way to drop my 12 yr old at school 3 days early.
@Birdhumms: I've had the same phone for over three years, so I know a thing or two about commitment and frustration.
@P1ssed_K1d: My ex-girlfriend had weekly lessons with the devil on how to become more evil. I still don't know how much she charges him though
@XplodingUnicorn: Me: Can I have some of your candy? 3-year-old: Can I have some of your beer? Me: 3: Me: 3: Me: Deal. Wife: NO!