@KenJennings: If you're a vegan who ran a marathon & got your dogs from a shelter, how do you decide which thing to wedge into the conversation first?
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@ABurgerADay: [Casting Meeting] Director: Did we get Cruise? Producer: Tom said he'll do it if we get Willis. Me: So we're Cruise in for a Bruce in?
@KateQFunny: Me: What kind of tools do I need to make a cake? Him: The fact that you're calling ingredients tools means u shouldnt be in charge of this.
@HeelyHanson: Will you marry me? 'Is a marriage proposal' Will, you, Mary, me? 'A foursome inquiry'