@KenJennings: If you're a vegan who ran a marathon & got your dogs from a shelter, how do you decide which thing to wedge into the conversation first?
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@joeyfullystated: Stranger man at the beach asked me, "Y'all got a boat?" I said we have three, but they're old Fisher-Price models. It took him a moment.
@missmayn: We should really thank our Dads for bringing us into this world since our Moms were probably tired and not in the mood.
@rockymomax: [date] ME: do you have kids or pets? HER: a son and a cat ME: what are their names? HER: John & Batman ME: nice! my son is also named Batman
@UniqueDude2: ME: WOW! Bigfoot! BIGFOOT: Hey Smallfoot M: U call us Smallfoot? BF: U have small feet M: no, urs r big BF: mine r normal M: huh BF: see ya