@DaHess1: If you're a white guy and walk into Home Depot without wearing sunglasses on top of your head, they legally don't have to sell you anything.
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@eyeswidebutt: [a postapocalyptic world where everyone has killed themselves so they dont have to hear my opinions] me: lemme explain y this is problematic
@PJTLynch: Announcer: "Welcome to the Super Bowl 50 Halftime Show. Are you ready to rock?!" [crowd goes nuts] A: "Well too bad, here's Coldplay"
@JennyJohnsonHi5: I bet the reason Kim Kardashian hasn't named her baby is because she doesn't know she's supposed to.
@Dawn_M_: I would like to be a zombie because when someone asked me if I had a boyfriend I could just eat them.