@Phook75: If you're able to read this, thank a teacher! If you can do busy work while wasted and watch an unrelated video, thank a substitute teacher!
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@food_shoes_life: Bikini season is just around the corner. Unfortunately, so is the Mexican restaurant.
@qwertying: Husband: [sends text] We need to break up. Wife: [sends text] WTF! Husband: [sends text] Sorry. That was meant to go to someone else.
@david8hughes: Midwife [handing my baby]: make sure you support his head Me: that's a really great, floppy little head you've got there. Well done