@badbanana: If you're about to be turned into stone by Medusa, strike a hilarious pose and at least lighten things up for the next guy.
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@BrdnHatesYou: *beats arachnophobia* *trips over child dressed as Spider-Man* *fears spiders again*
@ibid78: "So why do you wanna work at Petsmart?" *imagines running out of the store with all the dogs in my arms* "I'm a people person."
@SpeakComedy: Now remember kids; if a stranger offers you drugs say thank you because drugs are expensive ;)
@curlycomedy: The Katy Perry song that goes, "You're hot and you're cold," was actually about a microwaveable burrito.