@behindyourback: If you're afraid of public speaking, just imagine everyone in the audience is on their phones not listening to you anyway.
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@samalmightysam: -Honey, what made you fall in love with me? -Your mother. -But my mother lives 5000 miles away. -That's why...
@wilw: I think the blue states should get the taco trucks first, and the red states have to wait, because elections have consequences.
@DistractedMomma: Can one of you please tell my ex husband that I died? I feel like it would be more believable coming from someone other than me.