@behindyourback: If you're afraid of public speaking, just imagine everyone in the audience is on their phones not listening to you anyway.
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@Playing_Dad: [@ Sunbeam Bread factory job interview] Boss: Your resume says you are "definitely not 3 ducks in a suit." 3 Ducks In A Suit: That's correct
@trojansauce: GOLDFISH: i swear i'll have your money by tomorrow GOLDFISH MOBSTER: what money? GOLDFISH: who are you? GOLDFISH MOBSTER: where's my mon
@thepunningman: [murder scene] detective: "she drown?" cop: "after a blow to the head" d: "what's he doing?" me: [trying to draw chalk outline on river]
@ibid78: [plays dead to stop a bear from chasing me but then it plays dead next to me and we end stargazing together, forming a spiritual connection]