@KenJennings: If you're American & I ever hear you use the word "whilst," this I swear: you will not live to see the 3rd season of Sherlock.
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@davidkenny100: Pal: my advice for your date is, make her think you're well travelled, girls love it! Later Me: Guess how many buses it took me to get here
@joeldanger: Her: Men are lucky. You just get to wake up & be hot. Me: Not true. I still have to put my contacts in so I can see how hot I look. H: ...
@ericsshadow: My doctor told me, "If you don't quit smoking, it doesn't really matter how poorly you eat" and that was the best day of my life.