@KenJennings: If you're American & I ever hear you use the word "whilst," this I swear: you will not live to see the 3rd season of Sherlock.
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@BlaineBruce: My dog plays this fun game where she holds her bladder until she gets inside the house
@CornOnTheGoblin: [tries to walk into my How to Use a Revolving Door class and ends up outside again] what the heck
@pinningnut: N: Why are you picking up rocks? M: I'm starting a rock band. Neighbor walks away. That is how you get people to leave you alone.
@QwertyJones3: "Want to come watch the game Saturday at 8:00?" Well I'm going rollerskating at 1:00, so yeah I should be out of the hospital by then.