@bellicosejason: If you're behind someone at an ATM, let them know you're not a threat by gently kissing their neck.
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@AimeeHelene1: Can someone wake me up when this nightmare is over? *lies on floor, closes eyes tight* (in customer service line at Walmart)
@Nikkeya08: Police officer: When's your birthday? Me: (Drunk) um ok thats easy... ten dash four PO: What year? Me: Ugh duh every year
@junejuly12: Sometimes I want to kidnap a few woman for two to three weeks so that their eyebrows can grow without fear