@bellicosejason: If you're behind someone at an ATM, let them know you're not a threat by gently kissing their neck.
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@StarWarsProblms: Kylo Ren: I am your father. Rey: We're roughly the same age. You're just copying everything Vader said. Kylo Ren: NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
@BucMarvin: It must be very traumatic for my wife to be at work knowing I'm home alone getting bread crumbs on the kitchen counter. Let's pray for her.
@Boleyngirly: I slept like a rock last night meaning I woke up in the flower bed with the house key under my belly.
@blaha_Who: My gf thought it was so cute when she found out I owned a pair of tap shoes Until I got drunk, and put them on