@bridger_w: If you're burglarizing a home and the owner walks in, defuse the situation by saying, "I seriously love your place"
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@dreamthievin: Replace his deodorant with a glue stick so he thinks of you every time he tries to raise his arm to put around the shoulders of another girl
@SuperApple8: All I want in life is to be cool enough to cut up slices of an apple and eat them directly from the knife.
@david8hughes: "You stand accused of 3 counts of first degree murder." "Look, I'm a lot of things--" "Are you a murderer?" [bites lower lip] "Little bit."
@joshgondelman: Whenever I watch a home invasion thriller, I'm mostly terrified by how I'll never be able to afford to own a home.