@bridger_w: If you're burglarizing a home and the owner walks in, defuse the situation by saying, "I seriously love your place"
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@SteveSackington: For fun, I steal my married friends phones & change my name to 'Brandy from the club' then repeatedly call them & hang up at 3am. #topahole
@internetluke: [last supper] Jesus (to Judas): so your facebook status said you were anxious? Anything u wanted to say Judas (sweating): no not really
@GloriaFallon123: To clear a pop-up ad online, I was just forced to agree that "I don't care about being healthy and smelling clean"
@panmidwest: I was going to pay the taxi driver with my leftovers from lunch but that wouldn't be fare to him