@thatUPSdude: If you're buying your pregnancy test at the dollar store it's probably because he bought is his condoms there too.
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@TeaPartyCat: BREAKING: FBI discovers that Hillary’s 30,000 deleted emails were all Facebook notifications from Biden tagging her on cat videos.
@KimMonte10: Starbucks job interview: "What's your name?" "Alyssa" "Spell that please" "L A R I S S A" "When can you start?"
@Blondiethegood: I just threw away all the toilet paper in the office so this day is about to get interesting.