@MinedOvaMatter: If you're creepy and you know it ~~~> buy a van
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@TawaNicolas: I lost one of mom's Tupperware at work and now I'm looking for a new family to adopt me.
@ericsshadow: ME: I play for the Philadelphia Eagles. HER: What position do u play? ME: I'm a *thinks back to the only game I watched* wide-retriever.
@EndhooS: [describing criminal to sketch artist] He had the damp chest of a man with an excessive lisp. He was eating a newspaper.
@robfee: While a gun does make for a cool weapon on The Walking Dead, the most effective defense against the zombies is probably lightly jogging?