@EricaLynnz: If you're driving a getaway car just remember the best way to lose the cops is to ship them via the post office
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@nachosarah: the only reason you should be showing me pictures of your kids is if they're missing or you want them to be
@therealeatwood: ME: Haha you can tell them any name and they have to say it BARISTA: I have a latte for “A Person Who Deserves Love”? ME [crying]: Hahaha
@rockymomax: "i have good news & bad news" wife: bad news 1st "the washing machine broke" wife: and the good news? "the dogs are clean AF"