@WheelTod: If you're dying, and have recently lost your car keys, take the opportunity, as your life flashes before your eyes, to try to spot them!
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@onelongbender: Plot twist: name your pets after passwords.
@Real_Countress: I'd rather everyone think I had a serious cocaine problem then them know I just finished a bag of powdered donuts to myself
@INandONyourMIND: I tell my daughter she has no idea how lucky she is. When I was 12, I had to use a pay phone and walk 10 miles in the snow to get weed
@WoodyLuvsCoffee: Netflix: Are you still watching? Me: Yes. Netflix: How long has it been since you showered?
@tumblrstorytime: no chill in the bubble kingdom
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