@weinerdog4life: If you're ever attacked by a bear play deaf, be like "I can't even hear you bear"
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@sageboggs: The Commandments 1) def don't kill 2) no stealing, obvs 3) don't say my name? idk 4) luv ur neighbs! 5) but don't LOVE-love them, that's bad
@Jim_Capie: Bruce Wayne: I wanna fight crime. Alfred: You're a billionaire. Open orphanages, free clinics, day care cen- Bruce: No I wanna punch people.
@KalvinMacleod: [lips on a snake] WIFE: what are you doing? ME: getting rid of the poison WIFE: you’re supposed to suck your own bite SNAKE: leave him alone
@Adar79Angie: When listening to skinny girls talk about losing weight it's perfectly reasonable to battle cry then karate chop their tiny stomach's.