@weinerdog4life: If you're ever attacked by a bear play deaf, be like "I can't even hear you bear"
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@JennyJohnsonHi5: I'd love to hear an actor honestly answer the "How did you prepare for today?" red carpet question with "Cocaine and sit ups." #GoldenGlobes
@captainkalvis: DATE: I think marriage is sooo beautiful ME: *trying to impress her* well my wedding is tomorrow you should come
@ArfMeasures: ME: Jesus Christ, this is the slowest train I've ever travelled on BRIDE: Someone please get this prick off my dress
@saucy_peaches: My mom always said that I'd never find a man dumb enough to marry me. Well, I showed her...