@shegotagronk: If you're ever interested in having a near death experience just tell a girl she's not hot enough to be that crazy.
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@Burger_Time_: [as one million ants are carrying me out of my bed to toward their cavern to eat me alive] please let me feed my neopets first
@3sunzzz: My husband called and asked if I could be naked before he gets home from work. I feel awkward sitting here with his mother, but whatever.
@tastefactory: COP: We have reports of u blasting music. ME: Sorry I'll keep the Metallica down COP: We were told it was Britney Spears "Lucky." On repeat.
@Petote: A baby and I locked eyes. I panicked, but thankfully I didn't cry first. Haha stupid baby, I win.