@CubanaMama82: If you're ever lost in the woods and have a compass, the compass can help you be lost more north.
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@ozzyunc: It's 2080. Every living human is named Taylor. Dogs are the size of hamsters. The iPhone 47 is the size of a parachute. Weed is mandatory.
@DaddyJew: [ cookout ] Me: OMG this ketchup is amazing! Host: yea yea we all know you brought the ketchup
@Mr57percent: The older I get, the more I feel like the town elders in Footloose were actually pretty cool.
@dafloydsta: [job interview] "Any weaknesses?" I pick fights for no reason "Can you explain?" *leans in way too close* Are we gonna have a problem?