@SamuelHLowe: If you're ever on death row, request Denny's for your last meal so you can live an extra year waiting on your order.
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@daemonic3: Alex: A ship that has sunk What is my relationship? Alex: No sorry tha- [glares at wife] I'll take YOU RUINED MY LIFE KAREN for $800 Alex
@david8hughes: [in the ambulance] Paramedic: what's your blood type? Me: whatever. I'm not fussy
@PaperWash: [Jesus opens his fortune cookie] SOMEONE WILL BETRAY YOU "Uh oh" YOUR LUCKY NUMBERS ARE 4 2 0 6 9 "Haha nice!"
@IncrediblyRich: If Bob The Builder's slogan is "Can he fix it?" then he's not really a builder is he? More of a repairman.