@JennyJohnsonHi5: If you're feeling down about yourself, it won't help you to know that Honey Boo Boo makes more money than school teachers.
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@iRowlf: I'm returning this head of lettuce. It tastes awful. "Sir, that's a loofah." Oh. I'm returning this loofah. Someone took a bite out of it.
@Flattliner: I wish my wife was better in bed. <sighs> <disables autocorrect> I wish my WiFi was better in bed.
@WookieOnUnicorn: How do I feel about your goatee? I shave every part of my legs except the knees, how do you feel about that?