@AndrewChamings: If you’re forcing me to choose between you and my dream of making a sequel to the 1982 horror classic then you’ve got another Thing coming.
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@Brianhopecomedy: Glad I spent 40 minutes getting my 1 year old dressed so she could go outside for 3 seconds.
@psybermonkey: [heist] Me: *presses stethoscope against bank safe Thief: well? Me: omg... [cut to safe being pushed rapidly down hospital corridor]
@_coryrichardson: cop: you get one phone call me: [on phone] hey timmy. listen kid, i’m not going to be able to *very loudly* DONATE MY KIDNEY TO YOU TOMORROW cop: You haven't even dialed a number