@pharmasean: If youre giving mouth-to-mouth, and you don’t want to get germs, you can put a harmonica between your lips and the victim’s
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@briangaar: The cashier at the grocery store just gave me an "I'm cooler than you" look. Dude I will fight you with this baby strapped to me
@voldemortsbicep: Some ppl are like, bury me and plant a tree so I live on in nature and I'm like, same but plant potatoes so I can live on in french fries
@moooooog35: I'm coaching my son's soccer team because it's important that he knows I'll swear at other kids, too.