@TravZA: If you're going to a wedding this weekend and you see a random stranger dancing his nut off on the dance floor, I'm sorry, I lost a bet.
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@david8hughes: Army guy: sniper in the clock tower, 6 o'clock Me [seeing the time on the clock tower says 5 o'clock]: I'm just gonna nap for an hour then
@shutupmikeginn: You learn something new everyday. Yesterday I learned eating 29 SlimJims gives me diarrhea. Today I learned eating 28 also gives me diarrhea
@internetluke: [Jaden Smith at aquarium] "...any questions?" Do Crabs Think Fish Can Fly? "No" What If Our Air Is Just Bird Water? "Huh" How Can Birds Be R