@Underchilde: If you’re going to insist I get you a wedding gift, then I’m going to insist you bail me out when I get caught shoplifting it.
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@UncleDuke1969: "Hi-" "I have a boyfriend." "Do y-" "I have a boyfriend." "Excuse m-" "I have a boyfriend." "I JUST WANNA KNOW WHERE THE BATHROOM IS."
@lazerdoov: "Be cool, it's the cops" I said to my 3 cats I dressed up like robbers as my other 3 cats came out of the kitchen dressed like policemen
@mrtruthandsoul: Breaking News: Scientists clone a new hybrid cantalope and cauliflower. "We call it the melon-cauli," says Dr. Noah Lot of OMG I'm so sorry