@Underchilde: If you’re going to insist I get you a wedding gift, then I’m going to insist you bail me out when I get caught shoplifting it.
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@DosieDoe: US Loretta Lynch confirms that all 7 FIFA officials dramatically threw themselves onto the ground faking injury when arrested earlier today.
@pleatedjeans: Fear not, ugly caterpillar. For one day you will become a beautiful butterfly [emerges from cocoon] AH WTF I'M A MOTH THIS IS BULLSHIT