@on_the_fritz_17: If you're going to suffocate someone with a pillow, have the goddamn decency to use the cool side.
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@Midgetspar: The recommended age to have a Ouija Board is 8+ years old. So, you need to be 21 years old to drink alcohol and 8 to summon the devil.
@painted_eel: *whispers to old lady at Starbucks* one time they ran out of coffee here and we ate a baby
@matt___nelson: "Hey can you take our picture?" ME: yea sure *takes picture* ME: wait sorry, The Flash was turned on THE FLASH: *blushing in the background*
@brianbowman73: *applies for million dollar grant to test scientific theory* What's your theory? That money can buy happiness.