@on_the_fritz_17: If you're going to suffocate someone with a pillow, have the goddamn decency to use the cool side.
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@WalkingOutside: I let my baby girl know she can do anything. Except taking the bow out of her hair cuz IT'S REALLY CUTE AND SHE NEEDS TO LEAVE IT ALONE.
@joeljeffrey: I found out blowing in the dogs face makes her stop barking. I tried the same thing on my wife to make her stop yelling and she bit me.
@RoosterMustache: I hate when my phone corrects "hood morning" to good morning. Maybe I meant hood morning. Maybe some thug shit has happened today.