@iGreenMonk: If you're going to tell people the truth, be funny or they'll kill you.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@sploosk: ants can carry up to 5000 times their body weight?? pfft. watch this- *goes to stomp an ant but it grabs me & slams me thru a picnic table*
@joejwest: ME: I make all my decisions by rolling dice DATE: Ok WAITER: Can I get you any drinks? ME: Yes I'll have- [rolls dice] -six beers please
@MatCro: [Couples therapy] WIFE: I hate the way he pronounces "food" like "feud". THERAPIST: And you, sir? ME: She's always in a bad mude.
@fro_vo: Me: *deals cards* okay boys what’ll it be Quarterback: i pass Roofer: i raise Telemarketer: i call Optometrist: i see Origami Artist: i fold