@TheTweetOfGod: If you're going to throw someone under the bus, make sure it's moving.
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@OctopusCavemann: When I was a teenager, nobody told me about incense. So every time I smoked pot, I covered up the smell by cooking a whole meatloaf.
@awkwardphilippe: [creating humans] God: They will have a powerful immune system Assistant: Boring God: ok some will die from eating a peanut A: Nice, nice
@WetzelGeek: The washing machine broke so I had to wash my undies in the river. As a bonus, 3 catfish floated to the top afterwards, so dinner is served!
@nghtfltguy: Women do not want to hear what you think..nnThey want to hear what they think..nnIn a deeper voice......