@ClaytonSykes: If you're gonna offer free milk for coffee at a convenience store, don't get all weird when I bring in a dry bowl of cereal.
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@ieatanddrink: Brad Pitt: Doc, did you ever see my movie "Seven" with me and Morgurt Freeman? Doctor: I think you mean Morgan Brad: Sorry, Morgurt Morgan
@HavocMantis: Whenever I experience happiness, I signal this to other humans by showing the sharpest part of my skeleton.
@sixthformpoet: A sheep walks into a bar. Lots more sheep follow, the barman counts them and falls asleep, the sheep help themselves to free drinks. Genius.
@markydoodoo: [GOD INVENTING MUSHROOMS] GOD: most of them are fine ANGEL: what about the ones that aren't? God: you get high or... you DIE Angel: dude