@Eagle_Vision: If you're happy and you know it, share your meds
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@Westoff123: Waking on campus and some girl said, "I like you a lot." And I turned around and said thank you and realized she talking to the guy with her
@Underchilde: I don’t think Twitter’s real. I think I’m in a mall in 1987 listening to “I Think We’re Alone Now” & my mind invented Twitter to protect me.
@KeetPotato: [5 mins after seeing our neighbour's new boat] wife: "everything's a competition to you" me: [trying to find the moon on eBay] "no it's not"