@Jubafisher: If you're having a rough day, remember there are people out there with their ex's names tattooed on them.
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@claire_mudie: This crime scene tape strung between two lampposts is NOT the finish line & these policemen are NOT cheering me on to a glorious victory :(
@murrman5: I read that you should treat every night with your wife like your first date so after the movie tonight I'm dropping her off at her parents
@trevso_electric: My girlfriend steals all the blankets in her sleep and I wake up cold, next to an adorable linen burrito.
@bananagrvyrd: Opened the lint filter on my dryer after washing my dog's bedding and another dog fell out.