@jinkee: if you're hiding from a deranged killer and forget to put your phone on silent, at least make the ringtone the benny hill theme.
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@spikeWilton67: Relationship Status: Got put in the friend zone by a succubus playing around on a Ouija board. I can't even get lucky in the spirit world.
@shutupmikeginn: "Are you left handed?" - people who see me writing with my left hand, curious if I am just doing it for show.
@Haha_No_Mofo: My doctor told me, "DON'T mix this medicine with alcohol or you could wake up somewhere naked with a monkey on your arm." CHALLENGE ACCEPTED