@rolldiggity: If you're in a bar and a newscaster says, "Police report the killer left a small doll at the scene," don't shout, "It was an action figure!"
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@TheBoydP: Guys, when she complains about something you didn't do, tell her about the things you did do. That will make everything ok! You're welcome!
@GrandadJFreeman: In 1911: Dracula used to drink virgin girls blood ... In 2012: he died of hunger.
@Sickayduh: "Yeah can I have a triple bacon cheeseburger..." *sees Grim Reaper in passenger seat* *sigh* "and can you put lettuce and tomato on that?"
@Caissie: My son on the morning of his prom: "Well, it just occurred to me that I paid $130 to go to my school at night."