@rolldiggity: If you're in a bar and a newscaster says, "Police report the killer left a small doll at the scene," don't shout, "It was an action figure!"
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@TJ_Whitehead: By my calculations, I've spent approximately $39 throughout my life to watch bananas turn brown on my kitchen table
@TheIronSherk: Eating a block of cheese is probably the most delicious way to figure out it's time to get some groceries.
@DranoRaul: People I live with are hiding my shit. The two most effective hiding places to date: 1) out in the open 2) where I last left it
@chuuew: WIFE: Did everyone at work enjoy the cookies I baked? ME: [pretending I didn't eat them all on the drive in] WHATS WITH ALL THE QUESTIONS?!