@Terdoh: If you're in a Mexican prison, "Jesus loves you" might not be very comforting words...
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@man_spach: When the internet is down I turn my bed into a make-believe boat and play Life of Pi with the cat
@jakob_huber: "Get me another beer, boy" "Dad I'm an adult. My name's Bobby" "It's time you knew the truth boy. The 2nd & 3rd B's in your name are silent"
@DanMentos: FUN PRANK: when a stranger hands you their phone to take a picture of their family, take a selfie instead and also steal their phone
@PinkCamoTO: *CRASH* *THUMP* *SCREAM* *Husband runs into bedroom* H: OHMYGOD ARE YOU OKAY? Me: Yeah. Just taking off my sports bra.